


Dream’s Box Cutter

by Anonymous



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Borderline Personality Disorder, Box Cutter, Cutting, Dream with BPD, Dreamnap if you squint, Emotional Hurt, Heavy Angst, Self-Harm, Struggling Dream, Suicidal Dream, Supportive Georgenotfound (Video Blogging RPF), Supportive Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), mentions of medications, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:27:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29776149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Dream has Bordeline Personality Disorder and struggles with self harm. He forgets his medications and it causes him to downward spiral. Sapnap does his best to help his sick friend.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 78
Collections: anonymous





	Dream’s Box Cutter

**Author's Note:**

> TW//CUTTING, BLOOD, MEDICATIONS (desvenlafaxine, hydroxizyne)

“I could do it right now and no one would know,” Clay looked down at the box cutter in his hand and scoffed, “I could drag this over my wrist and nobody would know or care.” 

Clay unsheathed the blade from its plastic case and pressed the edge of the blade to his thumb. “It would be so easy! The blade is fresh and-” He was stopped when he heard the front door open and Nick called for him.

“Clay! Come help with the groceries!” 

Clay sheathed the blade and stuffed it in his pocket. “Coming!” 

He ran downstairs and caught Nick just as he was removing his mask and placing it into the dirty mask hamper. 

“I also picked up your meds from the pharmacy, I hope that’s okay.” Nick handed Clay the small Rx bag with a soft smile.

“Oh...I forgot I was due for a refill…” Clay looked over to his medicine box and saw his previous bottle was full. He hadn’t been taking them for awhile, it started as him forgetting one night then a second until it had been a month. 

“How do you even pronounce that? When I went to pick it up they showed me the bottle and asked to confirm it but I couldn’t even say the name aloud.” Nick speaks as he starts putting some cans of food in the pantry.

“Desvenlafaxine…” Clay had been taking this for so long it was second nature to him. “Des-ven-la-fax-ine, easy.” He shrugs

“Des-ven- no I can’t, I’ll never be able to for as long as I live.” Nick laughs and moves to the freezer items. 

—————————

It’s been almost two months and he hasn’t taken his medications. He forgot about the box cutter in an old pair of pants he took off and never washed, they just ended up in another pile somewhere in his messy room. 

“Clay I’m coming in!” Nick knocked then entered the room with a smile. “Mind if I hang out?”

“Sure, go ahead.” Clay shrugged and threw his phone on the other side of his bed, it ended up falling off and landing in a pile of clothes. 

“Oh shit let me get-” Nick picked up the phone and his eyes landed on a pair of pants. “Why do you have my sweatpants?” Nick picked them up and chuckled.

Clay just shrugged and held his hand open for his phone. “Dunno, they’ve been in here awhile.”

“I’ve been looking for these for a month! They’re my favorite pair since they’re so big on me, which is probably how you mixed them up to be yours.” Nick threw his pants off and put on the pair of sweatpants. He started feeling around the pockets and felt a small plastic item. “What’s this- Fuck!” When Nick stuck his hands in the pocket he cut his finger on something sharp.

“Woah! What happened?” Clay sat up and crawled over to Nick. He took Nick’s bloody finger into his hand and wrapped it in a tissue from his nightstand.

“Is this a box cutter?” Nick pulled the object out and scowled at Clay. “Don’t tell me you’re- let me see your arms and legs please.”

“Nick-! I’m not doing that!” Clay had to come up with a lie and fast, as he pulled off his pajama bottoms and took off his hoodie he thought of the perfect excuse. “See? Nothing. Nothing new at least...but I had that for when I was at the merch warehouse and I was helping open boxes.”

“Oh, that makes sense. I’m still keeping this, I don’t want you having this.” Nick cradled his cut finger and stuffed the blade back into his pocket. 

‘No no no no no….’ Clay started to panic. He needed the box cutter. He needed it so bad he started to hyperventilate. “Okay, if you say so big guy.”

——————

Two weeks since the incident with Nick finding his box cutter he started to twitch in his chair. He forgot he had it but after remembering it he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Nick was out getting groceries again so he decided to raid his room until he found it. He carefully rummaged through every box, every drawer, until he finally found it next to several unopened packages. 

“Shit. He knows exactly what to do to keep me from taking it.” Clay knew that Nick only planted it like this so he’d find out if it was stolen, but Clay knew a thing or two about box cutters. He grabbed the blade and completely removed it from the plastic covering. He snapped the blade in half and reinserted it into the covering then took the other to his room. 

Clay didn’t know where to hide it, he desperately searched for a place in his room that Nick wouldn’t search but couldn’t find one. After an hour of frantic planning he decided to hide it inside his computer, overkill yes, but effective. He opened up the DVD player and plopped the razor onto the trey then closed it in a hurry. 

“Clay? Why are both your medicine bottles full- woah why do you look so guilty?” Nick bust in Clay’s room without explanation or warning. 

“When did you get back?!” Clay jumped and wrapped his arms around himself. 

“About ten minutes ago, what were you doing?”

“I was about to jack off-” a believable lie. 

“Oh, sorry. Well before you do you owe me an explanation. What’s the deal with your medications?” Nick rested against the doorframe and eyed Clay suspiciously. 

“I’ve just been forgetting I guess, I’ve been feeling fine so I haven’t noticed.”

“You’re making an appointment with your psychiatrist and psychologist before you get off your meds like that. I’ll call them myself if I have to. Now go ahead and beat it then come down when you’re done.” Nick waved then went upstairs to his room.

———————

His psychiatrist concluded he still needed his medications and his psychologist upped his dose to 50mg. The entire drive there and back Clay stared out the window and wouldn’t talk to Nick. 

“Don’t get mad at me for babying you if you won’t take care of yourself.” Nick scowled at Clay but he was deeply worried about the other man. He placed a hand on Clay’s thigh and squeezed it gently to get his attention. “Do you want to go see a movie or something?”

“I want to go home please.” Clay felt tears rolling down his cheek he didn’t notice before. He wiped them away and shooed Nick’s hand away.

“Okay, but I don’t want you to be alone right now, so either leave your door open or come to my room while I stream. You don’t have to talk. Hell, I’ll even blow off the stream if you want.” Nick squeezed the wheel as he pulled onto their street. 

“I’m exhausted, I want to take a nap.”

“Take your medicine first.”

“I take it at night.”

“I don’t care. You’re taking it before you go to sleep because you’ll forget if you don’t, either that or you’ll sleep until morning anyways.”

“I can take it in the morning then.”

“No, then you’ll be drowsy all day.”

“I’ve been taking this medication a long time it won’t-”

“Enough Clay! I’m not having this conversation! You’re taking your medication when we get home and that’s that! I know you took half that blade and I know you’re hiding it. I haven’t been able to find it yet, but until I do you’re taking your medication while I watch and you’re showing me your arms and legs every night,” Nick hit the wheel and started to yell. “This is non-negotiable. I will call your mom if you don’t let me take care of you, understand?”

Clay watched absolutely shocked, he’s never seen Nick like this before. Usually he was the one who took the leading role in their relationship. He couldn’t bring himself to talk, only to cry and bury his face into his hands. 

“I’m sorry but I’m not letting you spiral again. Now that we’re living together I have some control over the situation.” Nick pulled into the driveway and parked the car in a hurry. He jumped out of the car and rushed to the passengers side. “Let’s cuddle and watch a movie after you take your medicine.”

“I need it.” Clay whispered into his hands.

“What…?” Nick leaned in closer.

“You can’t take it from me. I need it. I haven’t gotten to use it yet.” Clay looked at Nick with a desperate expression. 

“No, Clay. You don’t. Now let’s go inside, you’re taking a hydroxyzine, too.” Nick pulled Clay out of the car and into the house.

Clay could only nod.

Nick brought him some juice, apple of course, and his medications. He had to force feed them to Clay which wasn’t the best for either of them but it’s what had to be done. Nick held Clay on the couch until he fell asleep. 

Clay woke up to the sounds of rummaging and frustrated swearing. He sat up a little to hear better and realized Nick was on call in his room, probably with George. 

“I can’t find it! George, where would he put it!” Yep. George. 

George’s voice was muffled but it was just audibly enough to Clay. “How would I know? I didn’t even know he was off his meds! I didn’t even know he had the box cutter in the first place!”

“I should have just thrown it away. Of course he was lying to me.”

“It’s not your fault, he gave a good reason.”

Clay fell back asleep after a few moments, the hydroxyzine keeping him tired.

——————

Nightly for two weeks was their new routine. Nick would watch Clay take his medications, check his arms and legs for fresh cuts, then tuck him into bed and search for an hour after he’d gone to sleep.

Clay once found a little booklet checklist Nick had of places he’d searched, nearly everywhere but where it was. Nick didn’t even bother asking for help or asking where it was, he knew Clay would only lie one way or another. He knew it wasn’t Clay’s fault which is why he was never truly mad at him, only frustrated.

—————

Nick had to go back to Texas for a week. He had some family emergencies that needed to be taken care of, and you think that would be what’s stressing him out about the trip. No. It was leaving Clay alone when he still hadn’t found the razor. 

He arranged for George to call FaceTime Clay every night to take his medicine and check his arms and legs. This could work. And it did. For the first three days until George forgot one night. 

Clay waited in his kitchen with his pills in his hand for George to call him. He text George asking where he was with no response. He literally looked like a puppy waiting for his master to come home.

He started to cry. Then sob. Then absolutely breakdown. He felt forgotten and thrown away. Nick left him and George forgot him. In his breakdown he placed his medications on the counter and forgot to take them. He made his way to his room and curled up onto his bed. He hugged his pillow to his chest and buried his face into it. 

It was like a light switch when it happened. He stopped crying and just stared at the wall. He sat up like a zombie and threw his hoodie off. Still in his zombie like state, he walked over to his computer and opened his disc tray. Nick never found it. There it sat, untouched and ready to be used. He took the razor to the corner of his room and sat down with it, cradling it to his chest like it was the most fragile and precious thing he owned. 

He snagged some lotion and put it over his arm, waiting for it to smooth out his skin before wiping it off with a towel. He brought the edge of the razor to his forearm and quickly dragged it across an old scar from years ago. 

Clay’s head fell back against the wall and he let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He missed this. He was like a balloon on the verge of popping and he just gave the thin rubber covering a catalyst to explode. The blood pooled down and dripped onto his lap. He placed the towel down so none of it got on the carpet then made another cut. Another. Another. Another. Over and over and over again until his chest was heaving and his arm was covered in the thick red liquid. 

This was when he heard it-his phone. It was ringing, and it made him realize it had been for some time. Clay wrapped the towel around his arm, storing the razor on his lips for safekeeping and made his way to his blaring phone. 

It was George. 

The call timed out and he saw he had twelve missed calls from George and five from Nick. He shrugged it off and shut off his phone. He went back to his little corner and continued his activity.

—————

Nightly for the next four nights he would completely slice his arms and legs. He hadn’t eaten or slept, he hadn’t taken his medications, and he never once turned his phone back on. He never washed the towel or razor, he didn’t even bother to properly wash himself or take care of the cuts. He was covered in caked dried blood. His body shook when he walked, it was drained of iron and any food. He was absolutely deprived of everything essential to a living human. 

The only thing that kept him going was Patches. Sweet Patches. She would paw at him until she was fed, meow outside his door, constantly follow him around the house. For her he would preservier. 

His thighs would tremble as he stood up, his arms would shake when he lifted her food bowl, but he did it for his Patches. She would rub up against him and purr all the while. 

“Mrrr~? Mrrrow!” Patches brought Clay one of Nick’s shirts. 

“I know baby, he’ll be back eventually.” He pet her head then made his way to his room to partake in his new nightly routine. 

He almost didn’t have the energy to do it, the weight of his razor amplified by fifty pounds. As he was about to bring it to his wrist he heard Patches meowing again. 

“Cat, I already fed you.” He scowled at his closed door. Again, as he was about to bring the razor to his wrist he heard a car door slam shut and a horn honk. “Fucking neighbors.” Once more, he was bringing the razor to his wrist and the front door opened. 

“Clay! I’m home! Where are you?!” Nick bust in the house and looked at all his unread texts to Clay. He wanted to come home quicker but they really needed him in Texas. He eventually was able to rip himself away and drive home.

Clay didn’t bother to say anything. He just set the razor down next to him and pulled his hoodie over his body for the first time in days and pulled his pants over his legs. 

Nick slammed open Clay’s door and frantically looked around before he saw him in the corner staring at his lap.

“Oh no…” Nick rushed over and sat down next to Clay. He pulled him into his arms and observed the scene.

It looked like a horror film. There was a bloody towel bunched up in the corner, the carpet was caked with blood, Clay’s bright green hoodie was crimson and brown. 

“I’m so sorry for leaving you alone. George said his phone died and his power was out and he forgot to call you. He ran to his friend’s house when he remembered and charged it there but then you weren’t answering your phone and he called me and-” Nick stopped rambling when he heard soft snoring in his lap. “Okay, you sleep bud. I’ll get you cleaned up.”

Nick somehow managed to drag Clay into bed after draping the entire thing with freshly cleaned towels. He got several wash rags and a basin of warm soapy water then started washing Clay’s limbs. After Clay was clean, he threw away the razor and towel then started washing the carpet. He made a call to the nearest psych unit and got him a scheduled appointment for two days ahead, they didn’t have any beds available for that night. 

After he was finished, he curled up next to Clay on the bed and sobbed into his chest. He swore to take more care of him until he was better. He was just happy to come home to an alive roommate. 

—————

Clay woke up alone. He sat up and saw his room had been completely cleaned, even the carpet. He smelled something sweet coming from the kitchen. 

He stood up on wobbly legs and made his way to his kitchen. 

“No-! Go back to bed, I didn’t expect you to be up all yet. I’ll bring you your breakfast, okay?” Nick rushed over to Clay and placed both his hands on his cheeks.

Clay shook his head and sat down at the table. He didn’t have the strength to speak yet, so he just pointed to Patches’s food bowl.

“I already fed her, don’t worry.” Nick kissed Clay’s temple then placed a plate of pancakes and fruit in front of him.

Clay didn’t protest, he just ate until the food was gone then rested his head on the table. 

“You’re going to that psych place in two days but until then you’re sleeping in my room and I’m staying with you every night. I posted on your Twitter already that you’re taking a break so I don’t want you worrying about the internet.” Nick sat down next to Clay and brushed some hair out of his face then took the initiative to tie his hair back into a small bun. “I’m also going to help you bathe now that you’ve eaten.”

“I love you Nick.”

“I know, I love you, too.”


End file.
